Placenta Bear

Happy TMIT folks! Ifin you're unsure of this whole TMIT gig stroll on over to Livit's place.







THIS. Is it.










It's all I got today. A Placenta Bear.

Yes, a Placenta Bear. A bear made from, well, a placenta.

It's not enough that while pregnant I was asked at least once, 'are you going to keep your placenta, women eat it to regain their strength and there's all that nourishment.' That alone is guaranteed to cost a helpless preggy at least an hour in the john. I worked in a hospital at the time. Medical people are sometimes a little creepy.

This site says, A crafty alternative for those who don’t necessarily want to eat their baby’s placenta but want to pay their respects to the life sustaining organ by turning it into a one-of-a-kind teddy bear.

I don't know about you but I often want to turn a life sustaining organ into something warm and cuddly.

More here for you to enjoy.

Fucking Austria

I know you can do it. Are you doing it?




A TMIT for your NaBloPoMo Thursday.

In the dark about this whole TMIT thing? Stroll on over to Liv it's pad.

Once upon a time in a land faraway was a man that established a little village in Austria just a few scant miles from the German border. Villages were often named after the most prominent family and this village was no exception.
The mans name? Fuck. Ing was added after the name much like we add town to the end of a name and there after since the year 1070 the village was called Fucking. Fucking Austia.

Today the village is well kept and quaint as you'd expect from any Austrian village. The biggest crime in this hamlet, population 107, is theft.
Tourists travel from all over the world to this tiny town for one thing and one thing only. The street signs. Measures were taken recently to make the signs more theft proof.

Bitte nicht so schnell!!

TRANSLATION: Please not so fast!

And they wonder why people keep taking their signs.

A vote was taken recently on whether to rename the town or keep it as it is. Unanimously they voted to keep it.

"After all, Fucking has existed for 800 years"

The town that is. I'm quite sure the other has been around a tad longer.

Charla Nash

Rx: One a day for 30 days




This is so disturbing that I just want to put my hands over my ears and scream 'lalalalala'. I've heard the 911 call from start to finish. I've seen dear Charla's image on the internet. I'm so horrified that I could hardly sleep last night.

I always get upset when I hear about animal attacks. I wonder why people get exotic pets. Because they're cool? The pet or the owner? Both? Why did Sandra Herold keep a 200 pound chimp in her home? And when he became unmanageable why didn't she call the proper authorities? Arn't there laws regarding these animals in her state? Why was she allowed to keep this chimp?

We've all heard stories of wild animal attacks on their owners. I've talked with people that have exotic animals and they are the first ones to share 'pet gone bad' stories. They know the dangers. Yet they always seemed surprised by the attacks.

If you are truly an animal lover you will want what is best for that animal. And what is best is not to be caged in your home. My hope is now that Oprah has shared this with the world, people will really think about the types of animals they keep in their home. It is much more important to keep our loved ones safe than assist a wild animal.

TMIT Inappropriate Childrens Toys

While searching through the net one day. . .
In the merry merry month of . . . .

I don't remember when.

Looking for some Christmas ideas for the grandkids I find. . . .

INAPPROPRIATE CHILDRENS TOYS!!

If you're not familiar with TMIT take a stroll on over to LivitLuvit. This is where the brave post wildly inappropriate posts for your . . um. . enjoyment.

Stilettos for your infant! Have her learn how to walk on these things young cuz when you get to be my age you have no patience for them. And after she masters the stiletto walk she'll be ready for this.

Pole dancing dolly.

Is this the
Wait wait wait!!! There's more!
Tassles! Yes you can buy this adorable T with T's. Select your color and size. Only 16 pounds!
I know I know! Plush STD toys! Have your little darlin cuddle up to one of these adorable toys, because she'll need it after she learns how to pole dance and wear tassles.A tat toy gun. Because every child need to learn how to use a tat gun the correct way, not the 'I'm in custody' way. And why isn't there a hepatitis plush toy?
SHAVE THE BABY! WHAT?
Who thought of this toy? And why does he/she have hairy suspenders? And hairy calves? But no beard?
Breast feed your baby. Why wait to actually have boobs before you learn how to breast feed.

I'm so glad my boys are growd up now.

But, I do have grandchildren to look forward to, so, maybe. . . . .

Naughty pumpkins!

Wholly inappropriate posts for your TMIT

Shame on you! Bad pumpkins! BAD!
And from my dear Canadian friend
Thanks Witchy!

TMIT Pumpkin porn

Caught in the act!! YOU mister are so busted!

TMIT naughty pumpkins

Women should never use food to cover their lady bits. The sumo guy? Cool!

In other non-pumpkin related news:

KOREAN SURPRISE

The delightful and ever generous AM has sent me this awesome package ALLLL the way from Korea.

It's been a long wait, I know, not to worry as I've saved the best for last.
Yes OH yes, a TMIT ALLLL the way from Korea.

Are you ready?

Oh it starts innocently enough.

There is no indication on the outside of this box, of the treasure that is within.

SAKE GLASSES!!

And I'm thrilled, and they're sake glasses, with real Korean writing, ALLLL the way from Korea.

What is this? A leg?
Upon closer inspection I see. . .

A boob?Upon closer inspection I see that these are Kama Sutra Sake Glasses!

I have just one word

AWESOME!!!

I am getting the most mileage out of these. Showing friends and family and letting them 'discover' for themselves.

(I see you Jonsing for my sake glasses Livit. The answer is NO! These came ALLL the way from Korea. TO ME!)

Next time I'm at BevMo I'm picking up some Soju. I will have to tell you my Soju story sometime.

TMIT naughty pumpkins

Things you should never do with a pumpkin This looks a lot like my son.
Sadly if I show him this picture he may just do it.

TMIT naughty pumpkins

HAPPY OCTOBER YA'ALLIt's TMIT naughty pumpkins edition.

Someone throw this chickie some beads!

And DUDE! Full moon! Gross!

Today starts 31 days of pumpkins. All things pumpkin. Pumpkins carved. Pumpkins not carved. Miles and miles of pumpkins. And of course I'm lookin to try a new pumpkin recipe.

I don't know where these pictures come from anymore. If I post one of yours and you want credit, leave a message. If you want me to take it down, leave a message.

TMIT So you saved money on a smaller casket

Continuing the story from last weeks TMIT where I was flashed by a creepy woman who just had surgery and her adorable little dog. The cute little 5 pound dog wearing a cami jacket that with the service dog patch. Honestly the only thing that little dog was good for was to get people to notice her, because she was creepy, and he was so small that you would not get enough meat off of him for a decent taco. Dog meat taco. Get it? No? **sigh** read last weeks TMIT.

As I was saying, I went to get dog meat tacos last week when I'm grossed out by this creepy woman and her adorable little dog, wait, I said that already. Ok. Then I get this phone call after just finishing my lunch and it's this woman I'll call Becky. Because that was her real name, or not, you decide. I've been talking to her for about a week now. She wants to see this house we have for rent. She's on her way, we wait and wait, she's stuck in traffic, her car dies, she has a headache, all manor of evils keep her from showing up . . BUT . . she really wants the house. She's scheduled to be here in an hour to see the house but now she has a phone call from the police.

Becky: You remember I told you my father died last year?
me: No, I don't think you did, I'm sorry
Becky: Yes, thank you, actually he was murdered.
me: Murdered! Oh dear I'm so sorry!
Becky: Yes, thank you, and the police are calling because they need me to give them some information.
me: Well you need to take care of your personal business call me when you can arrange to see the house. (because we've never met and this information is personal and none of my business)
Becky: Yes, he was murdered it was horrible they tortured him. (oh don't tell me about it PLEASE!! )
me: Oh my
Becky: Yes tortured him for hours. (she's going to tell me isn't she?)
me: Oh that's horrible.
Becky: Oh it was! My poor father, they cut him up bit by bit while he was alive. (OH HELLS NO!!)
me: WOW!!
Becky: Broke into his house he was all alone. (Please shut up now, please shut up now, please shut up now, maybe I can hang up on her)
me: Where does he live? (did, it was did stupid)
Becky: Wisconsin
me: Well that kind of thing doesn't happen there. (or does it? I don't know)
Becky: No it doesn't, it never does (except when it does) they broke in and tied him up and then they began. . (I must stop her, but how?)
me: Well do they know who did it? Did they catch him? (whew!!)
Becky: Oh yes, well 2 of them a third is still on the loose.
me: Do they have any idea why? (and why am I asking more questions? WHY!)
Becky: They think it was a drug deal gone wrong.
me: Your father was a drug dealer? (it had to be asked)
Becky: Oh no! Never! He didn't even drink. (that's to bad because I'm thinkin a drink would be nice about now) they broke into the wrong house.
me: You'd think they'd have figured it out before they did all those terrible things to him. (what else can you say?)
Becky: Yes I know. I loved him so much. I miss him terribly. I just loved him to pieces. (she did, she really did say that!)

The whole time she is sobbing almost uncontrollably. I have no idea if this is a true story or if this woman is looney tunes except I don't need to hear any of it and I certainly don't want a tenant that is possibly bat shit crazy.

And that was my day. Bat shit crazy lady fresh from surgery and her adorable dog and bat shit crazy woman who loved her father to pieces.

I did not lose my lunch after all of that, but I thought about it.

Oh no she dnt!!! TMIT

I do wish I knew what it is about me that makes people want, need, whatever to unload their burdens on me.

Take last week.

Not being able to leave for lunch BH sent me to get dog meat tacos. No offense to anyone but the little taco place in our center is kind of our last resort for instant food. The place is not altogether clean, it's never air conditioned and the food is greasy. I love it. BH. Not so much. It messes with his digestion and TMIT or no that's all I'm saying.

So, I go. I place my order and while paying a woman comes in and announces loudly. "I just had surgery!" and again "I just had surgery!!" I don't hear anyone respond and I wonder who the heck she's talking to so I look over and she's staring right at me. "I JUST HAD SURGERY!"

"Oh!" I say "Are you alright?" I've never seen this woman before.

and then

She pulls up her shirt and shows me her incision that runs the entire length of her abdomen.

I know!

"NOT TO GOOD!" she says.

I make a horrible face, say ugh, and turn away. I'm 'bout ready to eat and I have no desire to have surgery talk with this woman, who, I notice, has an adorable dog. On a leash. In a food establishment. To which the owners do not say a word. And why should they. He's a cute little guy and I'm assuming if he's stays much longer we'll have the little darlin for lunch.

As adorable as he is and as much as I want to make baby talk with him, the woman, she scares me a little, so I ignore them both.

But he will not be ignored as he rubs his cute little self all over me. He is dressed in a cami jacked and has a 'I'm in service' patch. (I wish I'd taken a pic because he really was cute) He's no bigger than a tamale so I can't imagine he is a real service dog until she anounces. Loudly. "He's a service dog! He is! He reminds me to take my medication!"

I resist the urge to ask how he does this or perhaps had he forgotten to remind her this morning. Or did he remind her more than once?

"He's a Papillon (yes I looked it up) and he weighs 5 pounds. HE WEIGHS 5 POUNDS! and he just had puppies and I'm selling them for $350.00 AND I take payment plans.)

I mumble something I don't think she hears and just pet the cute little guy until she loses interest in me. Thankfully she heads for the door, announcing loudly "DON'T LET HIM LEAVE! I JUST HAD SURGERY AND HE'S MY RIDE HOME" I hadn't even noticed the gentleman she came in with.

Thankfully my order is ready and I quickly leave before she has a chance to return.

Back in the office I relay my story. Carefully as I don't wish to ruin anyone's lunch, especially my own.

I barely have time to digest my lunch when I get a phone call.

Oh, this is good and I've no time to tell it.

I'll post this story next TMIT

Yeah, there's an app for that

I don't even know what to say.

Is it really necessary to turn your phone into a vibrator? Why would you want to turn your phone into a vibrator?

I'm looking at my phone and thinking, how would this work? And what about the battery? Will you have enough juice ((snicker)) to get the job done?

And what, I mean, do you want to use your phone, you know, after?

Here's a little review of this app

If you’re stressed or just need a quick pick-me-up, let myMassage provide you with quick relief. MyMassage will continue to vibrate if you turn the screen off while it’s running, great for situations where you don’t want your “myMassage” time to be interrupted by a distracting screen. (I'm thinking 'the screen' will not be so distracting)

It's not a very expensive app sooo, I guess you could check it out here.

Also, I'm thinkin it just might be more distracting than say, texting. You may not want to use this while driving.

I'm just saying.

And I'm sticking with my BB. I cannot imagine why you have to do so many things with a phone.

Stand up and pee like a man TMI Thursdays

Because it's Thursday

Go visit Liv it Luv it

Whilst chillin in Nebraska I read THE funniest TMI at Love Letters by Cora.

If you've not experienced a TMI Thursday you really must mosey on over for the most inappropriate TMI posts on the net.

Since I don't have the guts to post my own TMI I'm borrowing Sassy Gingers post on how to pee standing up.

Because I've always wanted to and have tried unsuccessfully.

Because you know you want to know.

You should practice this in the shower.

No really. Practice.

More than once.

You're welcome.

Boil boil toil and trouble

This is a little gross. A lot gross really but it has consumed me for weeks.

Thought I'd share.

You're welcome.

Every morning and every night I massage the lymph to where it needs to go. It takes 15-20 minutes and it's a great time to read, meditate or watch a movie. Or pick at skin tags and notice I need to shave. So one day I'm noticing a little bump. It's little, just below my panty line. And it is really little.

Then it gets a little bigger. For a good couple weeks it continues to grow. And it's hard, like a little rock. So now I have to worry. Is it a tumor? Is it?

I contort myself into an uncomfortable position under a bright light with a magnifying glass. (you got a better idea?) I notice a little black spot. Teeny tiny black spot. Like a splinter, but it doesn't' hurt. Well didn't hurt until I got a needle and tried to dig out whateverthehell it was. I never did get the black spot out and now it hurts.

A couple days later, it's red, and sore. I look to see if there's a head on it cause you know I gotta go after it with a pin again. There isn't.

A couple days later it's really red and really sore. Still no head and it's too damn sore to go poking around again.

I'm showing everyone. 'Come here! Look at this thing! Hurts like hell!'

'Jesus Mother! Did you name that thing?' Middle asks.

'Not yet'

BH is not interested. In the least. 'leave it alone' he says.

I can't, could you? It's horrible! It's huge! And it hurts me bad.

So then, one blissful day, it's ready! Big white nasty looking head on that thing. By this time It's the size of a .50 piece, black and horribly painful. I take my position. Bright light, glasses, magnifying glass, sharp pin and some alcohol to disinfect. (I had forgotten to disinfect the last time which may be why it got so dang infected) And I squeeze and squeeze. It's like the most righteous zit you can imagine. And leaves an enormous hole. Now I'm worried that it's an abscess and I'll have to go to the hospital. I run around showing everyone again. The pain however, does not subside. Not even a little. I think it may have gotten a little worse even. I can't sit comfortably, my clothes hurt, it hurts to bathe, it is a miserable thing.

I complain loudly to anyone and everyone.

BH: It's just a boil. A boil! What! You've never had a boil before?
Me: Honestly, I never have.
BH: Well, it's a boil. Leave it alone, it'll go away.
Me: What if it get so infected that I get sick and have to go to the hospital?
BH: They're not putting you in the hospital for a boil, relax. You name it yet?

The next morning I notice that it has gathered up some more steam, or whatever, and I get to go at it again. This time I don't need a pin as the hole is enormouse. And this time out comes this hard white thing. I have no idea what that is. Now I'm worried. How did that get in there? Is it suppose to be there and now I'm taking it out? WTH!

I go talk to #2 son. 'Oh yeah, it's a hair folicle, little hard white thing?'
me: Yeah!
#2 son: Yep, that's what it is. You name that thing yet?
me: Why?
#2 son: Well it may be around for awhile, you might as well make friends with it.

What do you name something evil and retched?

I'm thinking of dressing it up for Halloween

I told you it was gross.