Being an overnight guest can sometimes be difficult for both guest and hostess.
I've rewritten this several times and still can't get it right.
I'm tired of working on it. You get this draft.
To my guest, here are just a few reasons why people dread overnight guests. Which until this time I had enjoyed and looked forward to your company.
Ask if your mother can come and bring her 2 dogs
When the answer is no sound disappointed and tell hostess that her mother will just have to stay home this Christmas because she will NOT leave her dogs
Have your hostess rearrange her holiday schedule to accommodate you and your family.
You do this by letting her know that you can't possibly come Christmas Eve when all the other family members will be there. You and your family WILL be able to come Christmas day at dinner time
Hostess cuts short a visit with her parents to accommodate your family
Arrive 4 hours late
With hostess crashed upstairs from busy schedule of cooking, cleaning and celebrating allow your kids to open the presents you picked out for them instead of waiting till the morning
Allow children to scream, laugh and bounce off the walls with hostess crashed upstairs
Bring your dog with you
Bring her little bed and all her toys
Bring her little doggie gate and block off the downstairs bathroom with it
Sleep in late while dog pisses a huge puddle on your carpet
When your dog pees AGAIN blame your hostesses dog
Take your dog out to the front yard to pee on the grass instead of the back yard that has no grass
Announce "Now would be a great time to do our nails."
Ask for your hostesses nail polishes
(run upstairs)
Ask for polish remover and cotton balls
(run upstairs, while there get files that you know she will want next)
Ask for buffers
Inform guest that your buffers are packed as hostess is not climbing those f**king stairs again
Inform your hostess that you brought your own buffer
Remove polish and leave acetone soaked cotton balls on wood table
Allow your little girl to roam around with wet nails
Ask for towels so you can wash your dog
Pitch a bloody fit when denied this request to wash your dog in hostess's tub
With a teary voice ask if hostess knows a good groomer in your town so you can get your filthy dog cleaned.
Guest dog only appears filthy to guest
Inform hostess that your dog has fleas
Feed your kids every 20 minutes
No I'm not kidding
Throw out food after children have taken one bite so they can have a cookie
Rearrange the fridge so that the expensive grapes are next to the cut onions
Ok I did that myself
The onions were bagged, who knew they'd take on an onioney taste?
Cause your hostess to drink too much champagne to deal with your nuttiness
Cause your hostess to suffer a hangover the next day
Ok I did that to myself too
Forget to bring your own dogs food
Inquire about the quality of your dog food as your dog will throw up
Ask for your carpet cleaner so she can clean up vomit and pee stains
Express shock when your hostess does not have a carpet cleaner
Take a 1/2 package of disposable razors
Do 2 loads of laundry
Leave all the lights and fans on that you can
Hide in the closet to talk on phone
Act annoyed when hostess and crying children find you in the closet
'whispering in the garage'
Me: Are they staying another night?
BH: They haven't mentioned it
Me: Should they... the answer is 'NO'
BH: silence
Me: I'm sorry baby, I've had enough
ps: if you leave the grapes out overnight they stop tasting like onions.
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2 comments:
Yikes. Sorry for that. Live and learn. and DONT invite them again! :)
That's exactly why I don't have overnight guests. No, not really, we're just not a friendly enough family I guess =)
But I'd blame the grapes and hangover on them too if it was me.
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