Air Show at Nortons

Friday after the doctors we left for the Air Show at Nortons Air Force Base.

We will be staying the night in Lancaster.

Have you ever been to Lancaster? It's in the middle of the Mojave desert. There is really nuthin there. Nuthin. A whole lot of Nuthin.

That's not exactly true. Lancaster it seems is where lots of single wides way past their prime go to retire. There are many tattoo/piercing places. I saw a tanning/nail salon. Tanning? In the desert? I saw a huge car lot with this sign that said.

NO

credit

bad credit

job

license

NO PROBLEM.

I'm serious! If you don't have a job or a license you can get a car there. Is that an invitation to steal?

We head to the motel. It doesn't look to bad on the outside. They give us coupons for a free drink tonight in the restaurant and free breakfast tomorrow. They have a pool and I'm sure a jacuzzi. Not for a woman with stinky tubes hanging off her but maybe next time. We go in the room.

It stinks!

It figures.

There is no trash can, anywhere. There is only 1 bath towel. One Queen size bed. BH is queen size all by hisself. There is an ashtray and free porn. We walk out to the car to get our stuff and across the street, yes right across the street a train goes by.

'Look honey! A train!'

'Metrolink'

'You like trains!'

'Not this close to where I'll not be sleeping.'

I'll be fine. I have drugs.

We go off in search of an entrance to the base and a bite to eat. The desert is so beautiful. It really is. It is flat, the sky is so blue, it's peaceful and quiet. BH would love to live here. It reminds him of Arizona where he used to live. He says, 'Wouldn't you like to live here?'

'No, visit yes, live no. You can't have a garden here, I can't get my tomatoes to grow in Elsinore, here, nuthin.'

'You could have a rock garden.'

As much as I love rocks they are too crunchy and I have bad teeth.

After not finding the base entrance we go in search of food. Most places look rather scary. I say the motel has a restaurant and we get a free drink. BH does not want to go back to the motel to eat, or sleep for that matter.

We find a couple of Mexican places and then we drive by this bistro. Lancaster Bistro.

'What's it look like in there?'

'Looks ok, bunch of old farts eating'

'Old Farts?'

'You know, they don't look like crack heads'

'Old Farts?'

We pull in. There are lots of cars in the lot. We walk in, it looks nice, like really nice. I head into the head while I hear BH being asked if he has a reservation. A reservation? In Lancaster? This has gotta be good and we're waiting. When I come out were being seated at a table that has a little reservation tag on it.

'How'd you manage that Chief?'

'I just smiled nice at HIM. Showed him my beautiful smile.'

I don't get it until I realize that the greeter, server and owner are gay. Yep. FLAMING! I absolutely loved it. They were so wonderful. The food was FABULOUS, the service MARVELOUS. The entertainment unparalleled. Who could ask for anything more?

BH had the fillet I had the clam chowder in a bread bowl with a small dinner salad. The salad was made with fussy greens, you know not iceberg but nice foo foo greens, with palm hearts. I love palm hearts! And the chowder in bread was too die for.

I still think of all those gay men, in Lancaster. Home of crack whores, skin heads, military men. Somehow I just don't see it. How do they make it home every night without getting the shit kicked out of them?

We leave to go to the motel where BH will not be sleeping. I asked to stop somewhere so I can get some bottled water. I NEVER drink city water and I need to take my meds, because I will be sleeping.

We stop a at liqueur store right next to our motel. The moment we walked in I knew we were in trouble. The entire counter is covered in clear plexiglass. BH called it bullet proof glass and I wouldn't be surprised if it really was.

Two young people, girl and a boy were fighting with the clerk. It appears her drivers license is not real and they will not be getting the booze they so hoped for. Her boyfriend was pacing frantically back and forth making comments while she whined about her license indeed being real. I don't even know why they needed a fake ID, they both looked over 21 to me.

The whole time behind me is a young black man. I'm chatting with him to relieve my nervousness and he is absolutely delightful. It turns out 'The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown' is on tonight and he is picking up some beer and go home and watch it with his mother. He is also obviously gay. This is one of those interesting little known things about Lancaster. Who knew that Lancaster was the San Fransisco of the Mojave.

The couple finally leave and we purchase my water and a Diet Dr. Pepper for BH.

At the motel I notice that the Dr. is not very cold. I decide to run off and find the ice machine. I really enjoy exploring hotels and my explanation is 'I'm looking for the ice machine'. BH decides to come with me. We find the ice machine in the pool area. You need .25 for ice. You have to pay for ice.

'I get free porn put I have to pay for frozen f**king water.' BH is not thrilled about having to walk back to the room and get a quarter, but we do because the Dr. is not cold.

I take my pills, try to find a comfy position and off to wonderland I go.

BH true to his word, does not sleep. You see it was those trains that he loves so much. They went by frequently in the night. They also blew their horns as they passed. And once I woke up to find BH out of bed and looking out the window. There is a whole lot of loud laughter and carrying on outside. 'What's goin on?' I croak groggily from the bed.

'The bar closed.'

It seems that all the fun they were having in the bar continued on outside for about an hour. It was Friday night/Saturday morning after all.

The next morning we get ready to go to the air show. BH is anxious to go to the airshow or maybe he just can't take one more minute in the motel, I'm not sure. I tell him we need to make more than one trip to take all our stuff back to the car, unless, I say, you want to come back to the room after breakfast.

'NO, we are not coming back!'

We never went to the restaurant for our free drink nor did we use our coupons for the free breakfast, which was 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon or sausage, hash browns and toast. We sped out of there like it was on fire and we had lit the match.

It was not that awful, it was clean, I didn't mind the trains, the ice was only a quarter and hey! we got free porn.

It did stink.

And we never watched the porn.

I am sad to say that I did not have my camera with me this trip. My youngest borrowed it to go to a concert.

Maybe that was a good thing.

Oh I almost forgot the airshow. It was wonderful. The weather was hot but not way desert hot, I got a new hat to keep the sun off me. We brought a couple of chairs, an umbrella, some water. After walking around a little we settle into our lawn chairs to watch the show and I drift off into a peaceful nap.

me: Oh great! Did I snore?

BH: No but you had your mouth open.

me: Was there drool?

BH: Nope, no snore and no drool. Just an open mouth. It was very cute.

me: Shut up!

So I pretty much missed the entire show but I had a great nap. On the way out I even got cotton candy.