6 days

Six days before Christmas.

Tears are dropping onto my hands as I type.

C: Dad, we're splitting up. E is gone with the girls.

The details are sketchy and to personal to share at the moment. Just last week the girls sat at my table. Making photo ornaments for our trees. Eating cookies freshly baked. Everything seemed fine. Christmas plans were discussed. Hushed 'guess what I got' conversations shared while we looked to see who might be listening.

Magoo writing her name on the back of the ornaments. Swirls and lines that represent the name she is using at the time. "NOT SARAH PALEN!!" she would say. Her new glasses and long dark hair do make her look just a little like Mzz Palen. But just a little.

KK telling stories of her new humiliation. Bra stories. Stories of how she was teased at a recent family birthday by the birthday girl that is not quite ready for a bra. Embarrassment only a nine year old can experience.

In six days it will be Christmas.

Mer who lives with her mother has not heard the news yet. Her mother is separated from her third husband just this month. Mer's been through this many times in her 18 years. She's managed to grow up to be a beautiful young woman. She recently became baptised in the LDS church. I looked forward to seeing her this Christmas and I wonder if I will.

Our hearts are heavy.

'What should we do?'
'We'll do Christmas as planned. It's to late to change anything now.'

It will be hard. C may come. He may come with Mer. E and the girls are with her parents. I hope things are patched up quickly. I hope they can come for Christmas. As a family.

I snuggle up close to BH.

'Do you worry about us?'

Our life is hard, stressful, overwhelming at times. It's challenging, juggling work and two families. Families with problems. Devestaing problems. Problems that can't be fixed. At least at the moment. In time things will get better. For now we are all consumed with the heaviness of these tough times.

'No, not worry. We're good'

And we are.