poop stories

This entry is all about the poop. Get the poop on my poop. Right here. Nope, I'm not kidding. So, if you don't want to hear about my bowel movements. Or lack of movement. Or excessive movement, then you should run along.

Go on.

There's still time.




So. As I was saying. I have had trouble for the last, oh, 2 months or so. I can't go, I can't go, I gotta go but can't. And then it's OHMYGODMAKEITSTOPBEFOREISHITOUTVITALORGANS!!!!!!!!!!

So, there's that.

Then I find out my ovaries grew three times their normal size and need to be removed. My doctor and herbalist both agree that the bowel trouble is most likely the trouble so I was very very very happy about having them removed so that I can once again, poop like a normal person.

Then there's the Vicodan. This can cause irregularity. Which for my sensitive bowels equals stop completely. Honestly as I sat around, in my jams, for days and days, trying to enjoy my time off and my pain medication, I thought of nothing else. 'How you doin hun?' 'Well I'd feel a lot better once I poop.' 'Is there anything I can do for you?' 'Why yes, would you poop for me please? Please? I'm begging you?' All of this not going did not affect my eating, like, at all. I just kept getting more and more bloated. I figure eventually I'll fill up every available space in there with food or waste and it will have to come out.

I took more and more and ever more of stool softeners and 2 kinds of herbs. Nothing. The amount of pills I took to make me go astounds me. Even now. 'Maybe you should see the doctor' I'm told. I think about it. Seriously, I do. But then I think about how they would solve my problem. I'm sure they're not going to surgically remove 'it'. Sooner or later it's going to take it's normal course. I'm hoping sooner rather than later.

'Have you tried an enema?' I'm horrified! 'NO!' 'Mom, don't you remember Kramer? On Seinfield? The big E!' I do remember. Wet and wild! Still. I can't do The Big E. Wet and wild may still be in the cards for me though.

'High colonic! That's what you need.' 'No son. There will be no colonic for me.'

There is something disturbing about putting things in your bum. For whatever reason. Not for me, thanks ever so much.


Finally, a week later. Eight days if you must know. I go. And go. And go. For two days. TWO WHOLE DAYS! It is truly amazing how much poo you can store in your body. I had worried about going for the first time, about possibly popping some internal stitching and bleeding out. (worst case scenario of course.) I needn't have worried. I think everything is healed up now.

I have grossed out every member of my house hold now.

And I'm very pleased.

FYI it appears I'm regular again. Because I know you want to know.

Woohoo!