Whore your loot!

This may seem a little odd if you haven't been reading Chick. In the spirit of Christmas I am posting a gift I received from BH's son. This was really a gift for the two of us but I was given the honor to unwrap it.

This is not a post for young children or the faint at heart.

Are you ready?

Here goes.

There's still time to turn away now.

You still with me?

Ok

Here it is.

Ready?

I've kept the original gift bag. It's a little torn but still holds all the stuff.
In case you can't tell what anything is, here is a close up of these items.
Viag-row and Big Pimp Pills, some fanny floss.
And some more fun stuff.
Yes you read that right, a blow job kit. Comes with gloves, apron, oversleeves and a hairnet. 'To keep you clean and jizy free! But the Party Sheep. Check this out. Top of box says 'as seen on TV'
But theres more.We call her Dolly, The Party Sheep.

We know it's a girl because as you can see, she has eyelashes. And a cute red bow on top of her head.

But.

What she doesn't have is. . . .

A hole!
In the back.
Front either for that matter.
But wait, read this.

It says 'Warning: This product is not a flotation device and is not a lifesaving device.'

So now I'm wondering. Who thinks this is going to be a lifesaving device? Unless you happen to be playing with her in the pool or spa. But then, no holes, so???? What DO you do with her?

Not much of a party if you ask me.
But this. . . .

Is my favorite one. We call her Lady Heather. (If you watch CSI you get it) We keep it in the bedroom dresser just in case BH gets out of line.

We really do keep it in the bedroom. But as you can see, we've never used it, or removed the tag.

Yet.

I threaten to from time to time.

So get this. BH is a little older than me and his sons are about 10 years younger than me. These kids are great and I love them dearly. BH and I had just started dating, just, and we hadn't even, you know, yet, so when I opened this gift and pulled out all the stuff I was horrified. I'm sure I turned every shade of red and couldn't even speak for several minutes. His DIL said 'hey, if you're gonna hang with this family, you better learn how to swim.'

To tell the truth, with my conservative background, it took me a little while to get the hang of them.

And I can swim now, boy, yes I can.

And tomorrow I will whore my loot for this year.

Maybe I'll call it Share Your S**t!

No, that's not nice. I'll call it . . .

Whatever. .

See you tomorrow. I'm taken the day off today. And boy do I need it.