My bra broke!

Pugs and pumkins, pugs dressed like pumpkins. Nothing cuter than a pug and a pumpkin.

While this may not be a news flash of the century or even the week this is critical for me.

I only have one good bra.

And it died in the drier Sunday night.

I knew it was going. I had all the early warning signs. It started weeks ago (maybe months) by having that little bit of underwire poke it's little way out. I'd push it back in, it'd come out again, then I'd sew it up a little, and it'd find it's way out. And then, the whole wire came out and mangled itself beyond straightening. It was done. Finished. Caput!

It should be obvious to everyone, including me, to have more than one of such an important undergarment. And it is. Obvious that is. I am of the size that I really should go to someplace nice, like Victoria Secret or Macy's or whatever and get a good bra. I know I should. I keep saying I will. But I never do. I always wait until my bra gives up the ghost and then I hustle over to Wally World or Target and pick up the best cheapie I can find. And then I wear it until it literally falls apart in the drier, like Sunday night for instance. I should buy two at the same time because I know I need more than one, I could use more than two for that matter, but I don't. I say to myself that this cheapie bra will hold me over until I can get a really nice bra. But then I never go get the really nice bra because this bra is holding up really well. For a cheapie.

Until it falls apart. Then I have 2 very bad options. I have a strapless number. It works but, well, lets just say it barely works. Then I have a black lace thing that is awful. The ONLY reason I still have it is because it didn't totally fall apart in the drier and even though it is yucky, I can still wear it if I HAVE to. (like now) Oh and I have a sports bra. I've grown a little since I bought it and I can hardly get the darn thing on and I can't breathe when I finally do and I need help getting it off.

I like a certain type of bra. The cups must be smooth, not lacy. I don't want to be wearing a clingy type blouse only to look down and see lumpy cottage cheese style boobs. I don't like it to hook in the front. Putting that type of bra on is funky and weird. I always worry that the elastic will stretch and I'll not have those extra hooks to make it fit right. I worry about this knowing full well that I always use the last hooks no matter how stretched out it gets.

I want round cups, not pointy missile shaped things. My boobs must look round. Round not pointy. I like the idea of a push up bra. I think it will make my clothes look better. I try them on every time and every time I do I remember why I will never wear another push up again. They make my boobs look weird. I mean that when I put on my blouse it looks like I have one boob. I call it the monoboob. I never notice this about anyone else but I don't like to look down and see one big fat boob. There is another reason why I don't like push ups. I fall out. I do, I fall out of the darn things. Sometime during the day one of them will slip out and I'll look down and discover that one is hanging out making an odd shape in my blouse. Then I turn red and try to remember where I've been all day and who might have noticed 1/2 of me flopping around.

I can't wear those elastic looking things that look like a training bra. I don't want anyone to know how cold I am. (if you catch my drift) I like a bit of padding. I don't need much and I don't need the ones with stuffing in them. I got plenty of stuffing. I like the padding to be thin. Like a very thin layer of foam or whatever. I want it to shape me into two smooth round globes. Smooth and round. This is the look I'm going for. And I need to see two boobs. I have two boobs, not one huge boob, and I want it to look that way. Remember the Playtex lift and separate commercials? Kind of like that. I like to be separate and supported. Since I like that look I tried on the Playtex lift and separate bra. (years ago, do they even have them anymore?) I loved the look with clothes on but the bra itself was hideous. Hideous! I hate the look of it. It looks. . . I don't know the word I'm looking for, clinical? You know, it's the type of bra Nurse Ratchet would wear. It may make your boobs look good but it's not sexy. At all.

Is your cup 1/2 full or 1/2 empty? Neither thank you. I don't want my bra to be 1/2 empty or 1/2 full. I want it all the way full. Tighter is better, I don't need a bunch of empty space in my bra. Not that I've ever really had that problem. Never-the-less I buy a C cup when I really need a D cup. I know that the D will fit me better but a D cup bra is another enormous thing altogether. D cup bras generally look like Nurse Ratchet bras to me.

And then BH tells me he heard a news broadcast that said women who've had breast cancer should never wear metal underwires. (Huh?) He tells me to make sure that I buy one with plastic, not wire.

Ok.

Add one more thing to the growing list of things needed in a bra.

No problem.

And I bought a bra at Target. Just one. I know I needed two but I'm going to go to Victoria's Secret or Macy's or whatever and find one with plastic underwire. This one will work until then.