And the results are in!

WARNING!

The following entry is not good news and some may find it upsetting.

Read on at your own risk.


I did receive the results from my biopsy yesterday. The results were positive for cancer.

With just me and the doctor in the little exam room I laughed a little when she said cancer cells were found in my biopsy samples. "Me? I have cancer?" "Yes you do." she said. After that she began talking in another language. It sort of sounded like English. She finished her exam, asked me to get dressed and she would take me to the conference room.

There, in the conference room I was met with another nurse, Ginny, that was a breast cancer survivor for 15 years. She had a stack of books and papers. The doctor gently explained the roadmap of things to do next, what will happen if this happens, etc. Again she is speaking in broken English. I cried through the whole conversation.

Ginny spoke to me for a few minutes. She was speaking the same language as the doctor. I understood some of it, not all. Ginny is in charge of the support groups. She gave me a book on FAQ about breast cancer and a journal and invited me to the support group. She explained how important journaling would be in my recovery, (recovery? I'm not even sick!) that it would help me with questions I would have for my doctors and record my progress. I am wondering who she is talking to. There is only 3 of us in the room.

The doctor, who was so kind and very compassionate, asked me if I had any questions. I said just tell me what I have to do next.

An MRI will be scheduled next. They will call me for appointment times. Then surgery.

I left, still crying.

I found my way to the waiting room where BH was at. Still crying I said, time to go. Ginny had followed me out and hugged me. She made sure I knew I could call her if I needed to. I think I will.

BH just outside the office asked me what happened. I told him I have cancer. He just quietly walked me to the car. We may have said a few things. In some language I couldn't understand. I cried most of the way home.

BH and I have not been together all that long. I told him he barely knows me. I'm going to be sick, they are going to start hacking parts off me. How is he going to handle that? He sweetly said he has no choice. He does though. I don't but he does.

I think about moving in with my parents.

I don't know how much care I'll need.

I'm not afraid. Just sad. I'm still crying.

I talked to my mom yesterday. I'll tell my boys today. I'll talk to my dear friends soon.